Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
tell me about the eggs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
