Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
