just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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