I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
