Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
