I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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