Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
