I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
