morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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