yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
