She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
