mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
