True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
