I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
