It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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