go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
