ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
