i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
