Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
