No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
