Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
