So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
