wat bout pragnant strippers??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
