I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
