I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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