Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
