Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
