I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
