Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
