his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
