U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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