We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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