this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
