i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
