her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
