What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
