babies were throwing up all over the place
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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