I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
