I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
