I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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