Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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