Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
