It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
