Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
