I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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