Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
