I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
