Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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