No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
