bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
